Mood : Gloomy

Terkadang kita sering tertipu dengan pikiran kita, terlalu larut di dalamnya dan akhirnya menghasilkan pemikiran negatif dan tidak mendengarkan orang. Inilah mengapa pikiran kita tidak pernah bertemu. Aku tidak pernah berusaha untuk menyakitimu, tidak sekalipun. Tidakkah kau tahu, akulah orang pertama di dunia ini yang ingin menjadi saksi pendewasaanmu. Akulah orang yang menunggu kau untuk maju. Aku, tanpa banyak meminta, tapi cukup berdoa dan berharap ingin kau berubah, menjadi orang yang belajar dari kesalahan.

Silahkan kau membenciku, jika itu yang kamu mau.
Silahkah hujat aku dengan tuduhanmu, jika itu membuat hidupmu baik.
Silahkan kau simpan kata-katamu, jika terlalu berharga untukku.
Silahkan kau hidup dalam dendammu, jika itu menguatkanmu.

Terlalu banyak yang kau simpan di pikiranmu. Menjadi satu kumpulan riak, yang kau ingin muntahkan di mukaku, bukan?
Pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang tak satupun logikamu bisa menjawab.
Yang kau percaya cuma satu, bahwa kaulah yang dikorbankan.
Tidakkah ingin kau mendengar ceritaku? Tidakkah ingin kau tahu betapa aku menyukaimu aku begitu tidak ingin melukaimu, berusaha sekuat tenagaku. Tidakkah kau ingin tahu betapa aku ingin melihatmu menjadi dirimu yang dulu? Tidakkah kau tahu kau dulu begitu istimewa?
Kau yang dulu punya auramu sendiri, yang sedari dulu memancarkan energi.

Berbagai hal tidak menjadi lebih baik seiring jalannya waktu. Tak ada lagi kesempatan untuk berpura-pura, karma itu ada. Aku tidak tahu bagaimana, sejauh mana aku bisa bertahan dengan kamu dan semua pemikiran-pemikiran negatif yang kau ciptakan sendiri di kepalamu. Bencilah aku sesuka yang kamu mau, aku menyerah.
Dan kamu tahu dengan pasti, aku bukanlah yang pertama.


Maka maafkanlah aku.
Jika nanti kau sudah bisa menertawakan dirimu sendiri, ingatlah bahwa doaku akan ada di seluruh
langkahmu.




With love,
S

I Am Happy

Yeap that's me! On Wednesday, 4th of July 2012, that little sweet pie just turned 22! (fuck yeah I'm calling myself sweet pie; disgusting, I know 8D). Like any other birthday, showered by so many blessings from here and there. Started with a phone call from my partner in crime (I know you're reading this! You're welcome), sang me a birthday song, trust me he sounded terrible but that was nice lol and he wished me tons of kind wishes. Then, my sister and brother showed up in front of my room, brought me some beefburgers as birthday cake (best kind, I guess haha). And then it began..people showered me with kind and wonderful wishes. Relatives, friends, best friends, strangers. From facebook, twitter, text messages, phone calls or simply direct congratulations. My besties, Buncol, Beldon and Rere also gave me a surprise, a birthday cake, thank you guys *group hug* :D

Oh, and my eternal bitch, Maeda, willing to drive me home only because it's my birthday. What a douche LOL I love her anyway.

SO. TWENTY TWO, HUH?

It's like, "Hey I'm 17 *blink* Hey I'm 22"

Heck, I sometimes need to slap myself to realize I am now 22. I feel like I'm running out of time, time is really running in full speed lately.

ANYWAYS, I am not here to complain! I've been blessed for about 22 years, still alive, healthy (and wealthy, AMEN FOR THAT!), still have the opportunity to live with my loved ones, have the best best friends, proper education (wish me luck for my thesis!), WHAT TO COMPLAIN, HUH? I thank God, I thank each and every one of you for all wonderful and kind wishes. :')

By the end of the day, I decided to make a list about "things you should feel grateful about" and it turns out to be an endless list. I am happy :) 

twenty two; not really 'sweet pie' anymore, huh?

Love,
S


P.S : And I wanna say happy birthday to all other Cancers around, may your wishes come true this year! :D

My Most Favorite Person

My most favorite person in the whole world having her birthday today.

HAPPY BLESSED BIRTHDAY MOM! ❤❤

.

Although we fight a lot and argue much, I wanted you to know that my infinite love goes for you and for you only.

Thank you for being so patient (I'm talking about 4 super stubborn kids lmao), thank you for all your hard work, thank you for your strength, thank you for always be the kind of person I can count on to, thank you for being the smartest person I've ever known, thank you for the best spaghetti and sayur asem, thank you for letting me cut my hair short, thank you for letting me being me, thank you for your love, prayer, gosssssh this will take forever because there's so many thing I would like to thank to you. Thank you for everything that you ever gave to me, thank you for being, simply, YOU.

You are the best parent I could ever hope for. I'm sorry I haven't give you anything, Mom :(

I hope Allah always bless and protect you whenever and wherever you are. I wish you all the happiness.

LONG LIVE MOMMY!

I love you, always.

Your daughter,

S

"The sweetest sounds to mortals given. Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven." ~William Goldsmith Brown

That Feeling

Do you know that feeling when you feel so proud of your friends? To feel blessed and lucky that you've been surrounded by amazingly talented and smart friends?

I do. I'm feeling it right now, actually :)



Love,
S

Just A Common Thing

Semua orang punya. Orang dengan senyuman hangat di pagi hari pun diam-diam menyimpannya. Tapi tak ada satupun orang di dunia menginginkannya.

Masalah.

Masalah. Masalah. Masalah. Masalah. Masalah. Masalah. Masalah. Masalah. Masalah. Masalah. Masalah. Masalah. Masalah. Masalah. Masalah. Terus aku ucapkan kata masalah. Lagi, lagi dan lagi sampai kata itu menjadi seolah tidak berarti. Oh, aku harap dia menjadi benar-benar tak berarti, poof! hilang ditelan kata-kata. Ya, aku harap.

Setiap orang punya masalah masing-masing. Aku? aku punya masalah. Lebih dari satu, atau bahkan banyak, dan percayalah ketika aku bilang banyak, aku tidak bangga akan hal itu. Saat ini masalah seakan sedang menyukaiku, kita menempel seperti sejoli bahagia yang dulunya tak pernah saling kenal. Menempel sangat erat, beranak pinak, bereproduksi, dari masalah besar kemudian menjadi beberapa masalah kecil-kecil lalu tumbuh dewasa dan kemudian bereproduksi lagi menjadi masalah kecil-kecil lagi. Repeat.

Kalau mau tanya kenapa kepada Tuhan, salah-salah Dia menjawab kenapa tidak? Ya, kenapa tidak? Toh sebagai manusia masalah adalah hal biasa. Aku sering mendapat banyak masalah, aku jadi terbiasa. Terbiasa karena selalu ada. Saking terbiasa memiliki masalah, aku seakan-akan kebal, tidak ingin meminta ini itu karna beberapa hal akan menyebabkan masalah. Ironic, isn't it?

Percaya padaku, sesak rasanya punya masalah yang dipakul sendirian apalagi dengan jumlah yang banyak. Aku ingin berbagi, sungguh aku ingin berbagi. Dengan orang lain, siapapun itu tentang masalah-masalahku, tentang bagimana dia menghambat keinginanku, menghambat orang-orang terkasihku, menghambat mimpi-mimpiku, menghambat aku untuk living my life to the fullest, menghambat aku untuk berpikir positif. Tetapi some secrets should remain to be secret, I believe so.

Aku dan masalah, kita saat ini sedang menempel erat seperti dua sejoli bahagia yang dulunya tak pernah saling kenal. Tapi pada akhirnya kan, in most cases, dua sejoli itu akan kembali tidak mengenal satu sama lain lagi. Masalah-masalah ini mungkin bisa menghambat aku untuk berpikir positif, tapi satu yang dia tidak bisa sentuh pada diriku, keyakinanku untuk mengalahkannya.




Love,
S

Meaow

I dedicate this post to my cats.

I have two cats in my house. They were both named Oscar and Goldie. They both tomcat. They are children from previous cat, Sapi, which she had already died. I have kept them for about one and a half years (since August 2010). They are local type of cat, not at all mixed race, but they're very well maintained and even many of my friends often mistakenly think that they're mixed race cats hahahahaha.

I LOVE MY CATS. They're very funny, smart, and energetic (especially Oscar). Love them with all my heart, my reason to keep smiling when things felt very hard.

Say hi to Oscar and Goldie :)

"There are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer

Love,
S

Can Dream Make You Eternal?

Yes it can.

When you dream and somehow you can make it happens..ideas and value of how you make your dream happens will make you, not physically, eternal.

So dream, big.




With love,
S

Being An Intern

Hello again,
I'm sorry for lack of updates, I've been busy with my internship report.

So, I'm back in town. I have had finished my internship on October 19th, and been busy with the report since. As I told you in my two previous posts, I did an internship at BALIFOKUS for one month, and I enjoyed it very much. I got the best work partner that I could ever ask for :P her name is Luh Putu Kusuma Ririen, she's the best. She's so kind, fun, youthful and has this unlimited knowledge, you can ask her everything hahaha, I feel so lucky to have her as my work partner. Okay, enough said about her. I’m going to tell you about my experience of being an intern.

For your information, I’m a type of person that not really good at communicate with new people, I feel more to scared to start this internship than feel excited like I SHOULD. So, on the first day I still feeling nervous and scared. I know I shouldn't but I couldn't help it. This is my first time to walk on a REAL job world. It scares the hell out of me. But I cannot stay like that for the rest of the month so I decided to be more relax. Thank God apparently I'm interning in the right company. I was so lucky be an intern at BALIFOKUS. You know the nightmare situation that interns can find themselves in is sitting at a desk in a large office, being referred to as “the intern” and not being introduced to anyone? I did not get that treatment. They introduced me formally to every staffs and they treated me as if I'm one of them, an employee. All of them were extremely welcoming and helpful, I'm feeling like I become one of a family member. I want to thank the entire staff in the BALIFOKUS for taking the time to share their expertise and knowledge for me. It was through these times that I felt I was able to learn about NGO things. And the staff was most responsive to my requests and always made me feel like a family. I have gained valuable things about NGO and development in the past one short month.

Because BALIFOKUS gave me the opportunity to work on a variety of projects, I had the chance to observe numerous aspects, the experience was more than I could have expected. This internship has definitely increased my interest in pursuing my future career in NGO.

me and BALIFOKUS staffs

I had a blast one month, fulfilled with numerous new experiences and knowledge, and working in a good company can add new experience on my CV/resume. I also am getting ready to enter the job market. I had a lot of fun, made new friends and the experience to be able to live in Bali for one whole month was a spectacular experience. I mean, new culture, even language, new places, beaches, temples, oh my oh my I LOVE BALI!! :) I have learnt a lot; about real job world, about life, about nature, about work ethics, about professionality, about friendship, about this, that, and everything else. This is not just an internship, this is such a life changing experience for me.

It's a new experience for me to be an intern for NGO and I’m ended up with a conclusion that it's not so easy being an intern. NOPE, it ain't that easy people! I mean, you have to try your best to get what you want and what you deserve. Whatever it is, it’s obviously good to think it through, and know what you are looking for. You are far more likely to get what you want if you define it in your own mind first and act accordingly. To be able to experience the difference between working and student life is a precious thing, I'm telling you. You have to gain it, not easily get it.

If you want to be an intern, take the effort to find a great company to do be intern in, and fight like a tiger to get in. And once you got in, bring out the best in you. Good luck.

Cheers,
S

Moving Out

Yes, this is actually happening.

Long before I went to Bali for the internship, my family was planning to move out. But, not really have pack all goods and other preparations. And after I went to Bali, about two and a half weeks I was in Bali, my family had actually moved out to a new house.

This made me sad, actually, very sad. I cannot help them with moving out things and all the preparations, which is very inconvenient like packing and unpacking. And it's becauseI had an internship. It’s like choosing between things you want to do and things you have to do. I tried not to think much about it and trying to finish the internship. I also had to apologize to my family for not being able to give any help. Maybe you think this is a simple, but it really made me sad.

And this morning, my mother text me something like: "Kiddo, last night we were all completely occupy the new home, hopefully this step will be the best for the future and get the blessing of God, Amen."


Aaaaah I miss them soooooooo bad :'(

taken at my 18th bday, 3 years ago :'(

Alone Is NOT Lonely

Hello!
Since I've been doing an internship, I have no time on weekdays..so today, this Saturday, I decided to have an adventure. And, since I'm alone here, I did the adventure all by myself. I rent a motor bike and drove all the way. It's not like I never traveling alone before, in fact I really enjoy traveling alone. But I certainly never am traveling alone around Bali. I have NO IDEA about the route. I count my life on Google Maps.

On Friday, I have decided 4 destinations that I will visit today. Those are Sanur beach, Garuda Wisnu Kencana, Dreamland, and Discovery Mall (the last destination is made due to shopping thirst, lol). At every destination people keep asking me the same question, like, "Are you alone, miss?" or even worse, "Are you really alone miss? Nobody wants to accompany you? Don't you feel lonely?" Well NEWS FLASH, there's a fine line between being alone and being lonely. I'm alone, but not lonely. I enjoy traveling alone. It gives me adrenaline, courage, confident and I LOVE IT. But it's not possible for me to tell every single person about that so I leave them alone with their thoughts, I really don't care :)

Oh anyway cut the crap and like I always believe, picture speaks louder than words :)

First, Sanur Beach. I went there to enjoy sunrise but I got there lil bit late so the sun has already rise up :





Oh this is a funny sculpture I saw around Sanur


2nd destination, Garuda Wisnu Kencana :




3rd destination, Dreamland :



I just took few photos in Dreamland because my electronic devices; cell phones and camera, were running out of battery. Sigh, happens all the time. I didn't even take any photos at Discovery Mall *sigh*

So, if you never travel alone, I'd say : TRY IT SOMETIMES. You will suprise with what you're gonna get. At first you may be like little confuse, don't know what to do, where to go, or who to speak, but you'll find your own way. I dare you! :)

I hope you enjoy your weekend like I do.


Love,
S

A Hello From Bali

Hey there!
I've been doing an internship at Bali Fokus Foundation for one and a half week now and I only had weekend to take a ride. This is first destination, Kuta :)

I went there to enjoy the sunset. And actually because I don't know any where else to go (I don't know any route). Aaaaaand, I made friends with foreigners from Switzerland. They were all nice, awesome and not to mention gorgeous :) We're hanging out and stuffs and ended up watching Manchester United's EPL match together. I enjoyed the night very well.

Well, I hope you enjoy your days




Love,
S

Little Boy

Just cut my hair shorter. Now I'm officially a boy :P
But I loved it! I always love pixie cut!



S 

Best Friends

They'll always make you laugh :)

And I miss them soooooo bad. Seventh semester please come quick!

to all my friends in IR '08: I MISS YOU

(slap me in the face please, I'm in the holiday season and I'm begging college to start lil bit quickly. Something's really wrong, OR I just miss my friends and bestfriends so damn much)



Love,
S

YELL-O!

First post!! Yay! :D

Finally I decided to post something since I made this blog in 2008. I used to have a blog but I forgot the username and password haha so I just made a new one but never post anything. I know people are up to Tumblr nowadays but who cares I'm still with you, blogspot! (but maybe, I'll make a Tumblr too later, who knows huh? :p).
So first post...hmmm...do I have to introduce myself or something? Here we go..

You can just simply call me S
I am now 21 years old and (still) love to play, to write, read, listen to music, boring, boring, boring...Oh, I stalk people, I do bite, I LOVE photography (everybody does), taking photos or being in a photo, sarcastic is my middle name (or first? hm), I'm a professional daydreamer, a fulltime reader. I'm an autodidactic type of girl. I enjoy learning more when I'm not told what to learn. Too, way too in love with David Beckham.

There's some people who thinks I'm weird and frankly, I know and I do realized that I'm quite different with most of my friends, and seriously I like it that way. It's just me being ME, and if it's weird then so be it! :)

So, welcome readers! Enjoy my blog!



"I do not need anyone's permission to be my true self" - Jonathan Lockwood Huie



With love,
S